My ghost stories

When I was about 11 years old my mom and I moved in to a new/used house. From the moment we moved in I had a weird feeling in there. I felt like I was being watched by something or some one. I refused to go in the basement and if I HAD to go down there I would run as if my life depended on it.  My bedroom was the attic that the original owners had turned into a bed room. The door would always open and close on its own. My cat would chase something up and down the stairs all the time.

One day I came home from school and was home alone, I was standing in the bathroom looking the the full length mirror on the bathroom door when out of the corner of my eye I see someone walk by me, It was a small boy maybe 10 at the oldest, he was all white including his hair and his clothing looked to be like an old war uniform. He had on a blue jacket and white pants that stopped just below the knee. He walked past me and into our tv room. I stopped and peeked around the corner and no one was there. I was totally freaked out and I ran next door to my friends house and stayed there till my mom came home. 

Years later I told my mom about my experience. Come to find out she had an experience herself but didn't want to scare me so never told me before. She told me that when ever I was not at home and she would be sitting on the couch watching tv some one would come up behind her and pull her hair. They would pull so hard that it would jerk her head back. 

We never did get to research and find out how the boy was but after talking to our neighbors we found out that the 4 houses 2 on one side of the street and 2 on the other each had 1 ghost. It was like it was a family. We had the boy, my next door neighbor had a cat, across the street from them had a woman and across from us was a man.

My next story I was about 19 years old. My husband and I just moved in to our first apartment. I again had the feeling of being watched but I tried to ignore it. We had so many issues in that apartment. For one the heater and air conditioner never worked right. It would never stay the temp it was set at. Maintenance would constantly come to look at it and never found anything wrong. We always heard noises and things being moved from where we put them to somewhere totally different. We heard rumors that the complex was actually built on an old Indian burial ground. I don't know if that was true or not though. 

When I got to know one of my neighbors I told her about the things that I have been hearing and things that had been happening. She didn't seem surprised at all. She told me that in the year she had lived next door she had seen numerous people move in and out. She said that most would stay about 3 months and then move out with no warning. She told me that we had lasted longer then anyone. 

One night My husband and I were in bed talking just about to go to sleep when we heard a noise. It sounded like someone running a plastic spatula up and down the metal spindles going up our stairs. My husband jumped up and grabbed his switch blade and went to check it out. I slowly followed him down the stairs. We turn the corner in to the living room and I flip the light on and on the far wall a long mirror I had hanging there was swinging on one nail back and forth which was making the sound. I go over to it and grab the mirror and look at the wall, thinking that one of the nails came lose and it fell. That was not the case, the nail was still sturdy in the wall with no sign of it being bent or anything. Now the hooks on the back of the mirror are made to where when you take it off the wall you have to lift up and then pull out. So it seemed that someone or something lifted the mirror on the one side, pulled it out and then dropped it to make it swing. We were so freaked out that I took the mirror compleatly off the wall and we ran back up stairs and sat in bed awake for the rest of the night. 

The next morning we go back down stairs to yet another surprise. A few of my husbands action figures that were on a book shelf were on the floor about 4 feet away from the book shelf. I put them back on the shelf and then shook the book shelf to see if I could make them fall all that happened was they fell over onto the shelf not the floor. Next I went to my neighbors on each side and asked if I could slam there doors and bang on there walls to see if I could recreate anything. Again nothing happened the same. The next thing I did was I sat the action figures back up in there exact spots and I put my hand behind one of them and swatted it off of the shelf and it flew off and landed in the same spot on the floor that I had found it in. So something had obviously hit them off the shelf. 

The final straw was a few months later I was home alone putting together an entertainment center, my cat was going nuts running up and down the stairs non stop. Finally something catches my eye as she is running back down the stairs and I look up and I see the full figure of a woman flying down my stairs she was all white in a white flowing dress and white hair. I was terrified. I called my mother in law to tell her I was coming over and I stayed at her house until my husband got off work. We found a house to by and broke our lease at the apartment and never looked back

A few weeks ago we drove by our old apartment and the whole complex had been torn down and is now gone. 

One night my husband were laying in bed in the dark talking and joking around, when I decided to be funny and slap him in the face with my dirty sock I had just taken off. After doing so I threw the sock across the room. As I threw the sock I seen a huge round black shadow fly across my ceiling. It totally caught me off guard. At first I thought it was a shadow of my sock that I threw due to my clock shinning really bright. So I leaned over the bed, picked up the sock and reenacted my previous sock throw, low and behold the sock did NOT make a shadow. 

It didnt look like a person. It was just a huge jet black blob I would say a foot in diameter. It appeared on my ceiling above my bed and to the left. It flew across the ceiling and vanished in to the wall. It didnt seem threatening at all but regardless it did scare the hell out of me. So much that I had a very hard time falling asleep. I felt like there was something watching me, something that shouldnt have been there. 

Since my mother in law died 1 month ago my husband has been seeing Shadow people all the time. Mostly walking through our kitchen or watching him while he is at work. He will see a figure out of the corner of his eye, look and then its gone. All he tells me about them is that they look like a person.

Thoughts, feelings and emotions

I dont know where to begin....This has been a very hard year for me. I have lots of feelings an emotions running through me right now and dont know when my breaking point is going to smack me in the face. I feel so lonely, used, taken for granted and unloved. I feel like no matter what I do it is never enough. I will never be what everyone wants me to be. I feel so distant from my husband, I feel like my mom loves Corah more then me, I feel like I have no friends or anyone to really talk to. I talk to some people on line but thats not the same has having someone right here with me to speak to face to face. I have 3 friends that are all busy with there own lives and children. No one is ever available when i need someone. Like right now as I sit here typing this. Im sitting at home all alone. Steve is at work, Corah is with my mom ( they went out to eat and I wasnt invited) My best friend is at work, another friend seems to not want to talk to me and the last one is at home spending time with her family. I sit here alone....listening to music....typing my feelings to no one cause no one really reads my blog.

I just want someone to talk to me, to hold me, to tell me everything is going to be ok. I feel like I am falling in a hole that Im never going to get out of. No one has any respect for me. Im always talked to like I just a peice of shit to people. I feel like to everyone Im just someone to bitch to, to bitch at, to clean the house....Ect.
My inlaws are joking type people. They joke around and pick on eachother so in turn I have had to make myself like a stone so that things dont hurt me but I feel the stone facade cracking and crumbling. Steve and I used to love to be around eachother. It didnt matter what we were doing just as long as we were with eachother. We used to lay in bed and talk for hours on end. That has all came to an end over the years. The only time were close anymore is when were having sex. And thats even rare. We dont cuddle anymore, we barely talk anymore. He will talk to me about sports and stuff that I have no interest in. I listen for the most part but then he tends to get mad when I dont know something and asks how the hell I dont know it. It gets really frustrating. I try to talk to him about things and he either nods like he is listening when he really isnt or just looks at me like im an idiot. I feel so far apart from him. I just want things to go back to the way they used to be. I miss laughing and talking and cuddling with him. It breaks my heart. I just feel like im just here to cook, clean, and sex.
God Im so alone....Im so depressed....I do nothing for myself. I go to work come home cook dinner, clean, take care of corah, go to bed to get up and do it all over again.

My mother is a wonderful woman but here lately she makes me feel so horrible all the time. All she cares about it taking my daughter everyother weekend and yelling about my house not being clean enough. I dont know what the hell she wants from me. I dont have ocd like her I dont feel the need to sweep and mop my floor everyday, I dont think it is important for Corah (me) to have to clean up the toys every time I turn around just for them to be pulled all right back out with in 5 minutes. She cares more about my house and spoiling my daughter then just sitting down with me and talking. Spending time together....unwanted....

alone....no one cares about me like they used to. No one takes the time to ask how im doing. No one wants to hear my issues but want me to listen to them and give them advice.

I have been through a lot this year. I lost my grandpa and my mother in law. *Man do I miss her*. Steve's health problems, Money problems, I constantly feel sick....I hope 2012 brings better things to me because I cant take much more drama....
 

Well it is Monday....day after christmas and Im so tired. I have tried to clean today and I just cant get motivated. I have done a little but not the amount that I had planned. I was just laying on the couch procrastinating on putting laundry away and the next thing I know I had fallen asleep and woke myself up snoring. I dont know what is wrong with me today. I have not gotten to sleep in all weekend but I also have not stayed up real late either. The latest was Saturday, I went to bed at 1.

I just feel....blah.....I cant quit coughing. I have been sick for 3 weeks now. But now its just a dry cough but very annoying cough. My tummy is not feeling very well either. I dont feel sick just blah. Any thing I eat I think I want it but then I take a couple bites and I dont want it anymore.....I dont know what my deal is.

Back to work tomorrow. Work 4 days then Im off for a week. 9 days if you count the weekends.

Christmas day 2011

Well this has been a really good christmas. Last night we spent the evening with my side of the family. We opened gifts there. And corah got spoiled beyond spoiled lol. We played some fun games and then We went around the room and all told a favorite memory from our childhood christmas. My favorite story was from my great grandma because she told us about how they would go out and cut down a real tree, they would bring it home and decorate it with nuts and popcorn that they would sit and string by hand.

This morning we got up and Corah got spoiled once again by santa. She got everything on her wish list except one rare limited edition littlest pet shop super hero kitty that was 100.00 and santa could not afford that one. lol.

This evening we went to Tonys house and had a wonderful dinner with Steves side of the family. We watched christmas shows and spent time together. Then we all went and looked at christmas lights together.

Im now pooped lol. I have done some cleaning up but still have a lot left to do. Thank God I still have one day left to finish my chores lol.

Merry Christmas

Well Tomorrow is christmas eve. Im looking forward to spending time with my side of the family tomorrow and steves side Sunday. I cant wait to see corahs face when santa comes. That is the only thing Im really looking forward to this christmas. I have not been in the christmas spirit at all this year. I have not baked cookies or cared to listen to christmas music. Im sure alot of it has to do with the fact of losing my mother in law last month.
I also think the weather has something to do with it too. It has been unseasonably warm and we have only had some flurries here and there but nothing sticking. I usually hate snow but with out it it just doesnt feel like christmas to me.

I hope everyone has a safe and merry christmas.

Been feeling a little down

There has been so much negative going on in my life lately I feel like Im sinking *quickley*. As I posted before we resently lost my mother in law which has really bothered me much more then I thought it would. I always knew I would be heartbroken when the day came but i didnt think it would feel like this for me.

I am currently trying to deal with Steves health problems. We have been struggling for 4 years trying to find out the cause of his pain and dizziness. After multiple MRI's and CT's, a spinal tap and qsart test we finally found out that he has Small fiber neuropathy which is basically wide spread inflamation of the small fibers of your nerves. There is not much that can be done for it. So far all the meds we have tried for it have not really helped. He was first put on Lyrica which just made him more dizzy and cost WAY too much money, next was cymbalta which he had a horrible reaction to and ended up missing work for 2 straight weeks and his doctor tried to tell him to keep taking it and it would get better. Screw that 2 weeks unpaid was more then enough. They have also tried antidepressants for it which didnt help. Now he is taking Gabapentin which helps more then anythings else did but still not better. After much research we found out that this neuropathy is caused my an underlying condition. We had the doc run some labs on him to figure out what it could be. Now we are stuck. He had the labs drawn at our PCP's office to be sent to his neurologist. The PCP got the labs back and called to let him know that his thyroid is all out of whack which could be causing alot of his pain and his liver enzymes are elevated which worries me because I know that could lead to non alcohol related cirrhosis which would mean he would eventually need a liver transplant :( Well The pcp said that since the neuro is the one that ordered the labs he is the one that needs to make the decision as to what steps to take next. Steve has called the neuro 4 times now and still has not gotten a call back. It is getting really frustrating because were not getting a call back from a medical professional, he is missing at least 1 day a week of work unpaid because of the pain he has and there is nothing that can be done. Were struggling. 

I dont really have many friends I can talk to. I have a select few friends but they cant always be there when I need them or they dont want to idk. Some have busy lives themselves, some only talk to me when they need something or it is convenient for them....Im stuck in the house all the time. Steve and I work oppasite shifts so I am always alone with our daughter. Most of the time I feel like a single parent and it really sucks. I work full time 8-4:30 monday through friday, I come home cook, clean, bathe my child and myself, go to bed and start all over. I dont really get to go do anything because we dont have the money and I dont have the time.  Dont get me wrong I love spending time with my child but sometimes I just need to get away and I cant do that.

Im also dealing with someone who says there my friend but is constantly doing things to make me feel like crap. This person is always negative about everything no matter what. She always tries to start arguements and tries to talk over you. It is so annoying. Most of the time I can just blow her off and ignor it but here lately she has been pushing more and more. I know its not like she is doing these things because she knows it bothers me because I dont let it show that it does. I just ignore it. But really in my heart sometimes it hurts and some times it pisses me the hell off. There is no point in telling her how I feel because she is the type of person that feels she is never in the wrong and if you go aginst her then your the bitch. I just dont know what to do. I guess just ignore it until I end up exploding on her ass.

The story of my wonderful mother in law

3 weeks ago we lost my mother in law in the fight of her life. First let me tell you a little bit about her.

Her name was Erna Ryan, But everyone called her sue or mom. She was an amazing woman to everyone she met. She touch the lives of everyone in one way or another. All the kids loved her. He sons friends would show up to her house just to talk to her rather then to see there friends.

About 10+ years ago her health started going down hill. It all started with diabetes. She was treated as a type 2 diabetic. After a couple years of treatment not working she was reexamined and determined that she was actually type 1 which is very rare to end up with out of child hood. Next was cervical cancer. She went through therapy and went into remission from the cancer and to my knowledge never had an issue with that since. Next on the list was congestive heart failure that was gradually getting worse. In the last months her heart was only working at 20% If she needed a major surgery they would not have been able to do it because they could not put her under because her heart could not take it. Next was amputation of all the toes on her left foot. She came through that with flying colors. The doctors told her that with out a prosthetic foot she would not be able to walk due to balance. She proved them wrong and was up and walking on that baby foot  shortly after. I was so proud of her. A few months later she got a diabetic ulcer on one of her right toes which ended in 2 toes being taken from her right foot. After that she could no longer walk and was confined to a bed. :( Now after all that a normal person would have given up the fight and been gone along time ago, Be she was a fighter. The strongest person I have ever met in my life.

In the 7 years I have been in this family I have watched this woman go through hell and back and still be cheerful. After numerous hospital stays due to blood sugar levels, gall bladder problems, staff infections ECT. She endured the longest hospital stay I believe she has ever had. She was in renal failure, on dialysis 3 times a week, her blood sugar would not stay normal, her blood pressure was frighteningly low and she ended up with a sepsis infection. She was in the hospital for 2 months or so and came home and with in a week was back in the ICU fighting for her life for 4 months.

Now back in the hospital this time she was not responsive. She did not know when anyone was there and slept 90% of the time. She slept for 3 days straight in there that time. The doctor came in and told my father in law that there was not much left they could do and asked him to sign a DNR due to the fact that her heart was so weak that they could not use the paddles on her, that alone would make her fragile heart explode and kill her. My father in law signed the DNR and to our suprise she came back to us a few days later. She made them take the DNR out of her file because she felt that she wanted anything they could do to save her to be done. She was not ready to stop fighting even though she was weak and miserable. She wanted to be here for all of us.

Shortly after that they moved her to a specialty hospital where she went back and forth from being fine to being on deaths doorstep again. Most of us sat down as a family and tried to prepare ourselves for the day it all would end. After numerous talks and comforting each other we felt that we were all ready for it and prepared.

On Thanksgiving my husband called her she told him that she was ok but she didnt know how much more she could take. He told her it was ok to let go if she was ready. She said ok. That comment alone came as a shock. Anytime before she would have said Hell no, im not giving up! Steve had a feeling that something was coming soon. A few nights later I had a really strange dream. I dreamed that I took a pregnancy test that was negative and in the morning it was positive. I didnt know what to make of the dream cause it was so weird. I called my mom and told her about it and she didnt know what to think of it either. Then it dawned on me. Most of the time a dream about pregnancy actually means a death. I was on edge after that.

On November 28th at 12:00 am Steve called to talk to her. She said that she was doing fine but she had been having trouble breathing. They talked for a few moments and then she told him she was going to call him back in 20 minutes. That was the last he heard from her.

On November 28th at 3:00 am we got the phone call that mom had passed. I was woken by Steve screaming and walking back and forth through the hall way. I jumped up asking what the hell he was screaming about and when my eyes became unblurred from sleepyness I looked at his face and knew what had happend. I was heart broken. We had worked so hard to prepare ourselves and it just didnt help at all when the time actually came. We then proceded to make all the phone calls to all the family. Some of which thought we were playing a sick joke.

All the brothers headed up to the hospital to see her before she was moved. She looked as if she was just sleeping. We were told then what had happend. @ 2:00 am the nurses had came in to check her vitals, her blood pressure was dangrously low, her kidneys and liver were shutting down and she was vomiting and then her heart just stopped. They worked on her for 30 minutes before they fianlly called it. She had touched so many people that worked there that they themselves refused to let her go. Normally they will call it after 10 minutes but they worked on her for 30.

The next few days were a blur to all of us. I had to sit down and explain to my 4 year old daughter that her Omi was in heaven. She cried for a few minutes and said "I dont want omi to go to heaven yet" that was the most heartbreaking thing I have ever had to do. At the showing and funeral she took it even harder. She demanded to see her omi and when she would run up there she would instantly start crying. Again...heartbreaking....

I have spent the last 3 weeks being strong for everyone. Letting them come to me when they need to cry or someone to talk to. It has been hard because I cant say I know what there going through cause I haven't lost a parent. Also you can only say everything happens for a reason so many times. Its hard to give any answers to the questions of "why did God do this" why did she have to suffer" "what did she do to deserve to suffer and die so young". I dont have any of these answers and i dont know what to say to comfort them. All I can do is love each and every one of them.

Family can hurt you worse then your enemy

So I have never had a really good relationship with my "father". He has never been there for me. Even when I was a child and still going to his house every other weekend I was always treated as an outsider by him and his whole side of my family. When I was about 10 I desided that I was over being treated like crap and I spoke to my mom about it. She then went to my dad and explained to him how I was feeling. He didnt care and agreed for me not to have to come back. The following year he moved to Logan ohio for his job. I seen him once around Christmas because I wanted to not because he did. After that he moved again for his job to kentucky and I never seen or heard from him again until some random day in the summer of 2005. I found out he was back in ohio and my husband and I went to visit. I seen him a couple times here and there and then it stopped again. In October of 2006 I found out I was pregnant and magicly he reappeared in my life again. Once my daughter was born he came over to see her. Again months went by with no word from him. Finally I got a hold of him Via phone and had a long conversation with him. I got brave and asked him why I never heard from him as a child. Why he never called on birthdays or christmas or just to see how I was doing. He then said something to me that I will never forget for the rest of my life and I will never forgive him for. He said " well I moved to Kentucky and I have 5 other kids so you were out of site out of mind".
Im sorry number one who the hell says that to there child regaurdless. Number 2 how could you "forget" about one of your children....your first born child....I then gave him a chance to have a relationship with his granddaughter. I told him that he is not going to run in and out of her life like he did mine, I gave him one rule, he must call at least once a week. He agreed to that but not before trying to lay a guilt trip on me like it was my fault that he was a bad father. well he lasted about 2 weeks with the rule and then it was back to nothing again. I tried to be nice and still keep him around in one way or another. I had him added as a friend on facebook so that he could watch Corah grow but I still never got a phone call or anything other then a "like" on a damn post. The straw that finally broke the camels back was this. I sent him an invitation for Corahs 4th birthday over a month in advance. He never responded to me about it but my sister told me they were coming. Well then about a week before the party I sent him a message asking if he was coming and he said "I dont know yet because I dont have the other kids this weekend". Im sorry what the hell does that have to do with coming to your granddaughters birthday or not. So to keep the peace like I always do I just said ok. He never showed up to corahs party but he did give my sister his car so that she could come. When my sister showed up I asked her where my father was and she told me that "he couldnt come because he had to meet his new girlfriends mother" Really?! that couldnt have waited till the next day???? At that point I gave up, I deleted his number from my phone deleted and blocked him from facebook and I havent heard from him since.
Its pretty sad when your stepfather is and has always been more of a father to you then your own.