Well I havent posted in a little while and thought while I was sitting here waiting on laundry to be done and feeling the need to do something, I would post an update that no one really reads lol.
So there has been alot of emotions running through me lately. Since mom has passed this family has been falling apart. No one is close like they were when mom was here. We bearly see any of the family at all. No one comes over to hang out anymore. It makes me really sad, That was one thing I love about this family, the closeness of everyone and now it is gone.
I miss mom more and more everyday. She was my rock, the person I could talk to when I couldnt talk to steve or my mom. Since then my depression has worsened. I recently went to the doc about it and she upped my dosage of my antidepressant and also gave me a nerve pill to help with really stressful situations. So far the upped dosage seems to be helping alot more.
Steve has been off work on disability for the past 4 weeks because his pain has gotten so bad. Plus there getting him of the horrible Tramadol so he is having withdraws from it. Hopefully he will be able to go back to work in a week or so. Although Im worried about him and about his job I have really enjoyed having him home. He has been so helpful around the house. Loading the dishwasher and making sure the trash is taken out. We have grown closer since he has been home. We have not been fighting as much and actually have been talking and getting along great. It has been a wonderful time.
My brother in law and his girlfriend just had there baby. A boy named Leo. He is so adorable. Im worried about him though. Wednesday got to come home today but Leo has to stay at least 4 more days because he has been vomiting and cant hold anything down. I hope and pray that nothing bad happens and he gets healthy soon.
Well I guess thats all the news for now.
Saturday, February 25, 2012
Sunday, February 5, 2012
feeling guilty
So Im pretty sure my best friend is mad at me for not going to her kids birthday party today. I can understand why she would be mad because she always comes to Corahs but I never go to her kids.
I have really really bad social anxiety, no one understands and just tells me I need to grow up. I havent told her that this is the main reason I dont come because Im afraid she will take it like everyone else and just tell me I need to grow up. No one understands that it is a real problem.
She texted me yesterday and asked if I was coming and I told her no because I had forgotten about it since Corah took off with the invitation and i never seen it again. Which is true, but also its from the overwhelming fear of being around people I dont know in a situation where I cant just get out when I feel anxiety. I also told her that I would get her daughter something and bring it over this week if she would let me know what she wants. I never heard back from her.
I really hope she isnt that mad at me. I could not see her not being my friend anymore. It would devistate me. She is my only friend who has been there for me no matter what over the years. I dont have many friends to begin with
I have really really bad social anxiety, no one understands and just tells me I need to grow up. I havent told her that this is the main reason I dont come because Im afraid she will take it like everyone else and just tell me I need to grow up. No one understands that it is a real problem.
She texted me yesterday and asked if I was coming and I told her no because I had forgotten about it since Corah took off with the invitation and i never seen it again. Which is true, but also its from the overwhelming fear of being around people I dont know in a situation where I cant just get out when I feel anxiety. I also told her that I would get her daughter something and bring it over this week if she would let me know what she wants. I never heard back from her.
I really hope she isnt that mad at me. I could not see her not being my friend anymore. It would devistate me. She is my only friend who has been there for me no matter what over the years. I dont have many friends to begin with
Sunday, January 8, 2012
ugh back to work tomorrow
Well its Sunday....the last day of my vacation. Im sad and happy to go back to work. Im happy to be able to get out of the house but sad cause I have had such a good time spending the days with corah. I even learned some things about her that i didnt know. Such as she loves ghost shows such as ghost adventures. She calls them the scary shows but when I turn them on she wont take her eyes off of them lol. Its funny. Its good to know that she has some of my interests and tendencies not just her daddys lol.
Well I did not accomplish my cleaning goal of the week but i dont care cause it still looks better then it did around christmas time. My week off was pretty good up untill yesterday. We decided to get out of the house since it was nice and we ended up getting stranded for a while in west jeff. Driving down the road our car just stopped running. The check engine light and the oil light came on and we coasted into a gas station. We tried to start the car and it wouldnt start. Each time we would try it would sound worse and worse until the engine locked up. My grandpa and Tony came out to see what was wrong with it, end result were pretty sure we lost our timing belt :( Luckly we have free towing with our insurance so we called them and had them tow our car home until we can get the money together to get it looked at and fixed. So for now Im going to be driving steves truck to work and he is going to ride with Tony. Thank god him and tony work at the same place and the same shift and our house is on the way so its not going to cost tony extra gas to pick him up.
I know its going to cost to fix it but I hope that its not too much. Hopefully we will get a good tax return cause thats what were going to have to use to fix the car.
Well I did not accomplish my cleaning goal of the week but i dont care cause it still looks better then it did around christmas time. My week off was pretty good up untill yesterday. We decided to get out of the house since it was nice and we ended up getting stranded for a while in west jeff. Driving down the road our car just stopped running. The check engine light and the oil light came on and we coasted into a gas station. We tried to start the car and it wouldnt start. Each time we would try it would sound worse and worse until the engine locked up. My grandpa and Tony came out to see what was wrong with it, end result were pretty sure we lost our timing belt :( Luckly we have free towing with our insurance so we called them and had them tow our car home until we can get the money together to get it looked at and fixed. So for now Im going to be driving steves truck to work and he is going to ride with Tony. Thank god him and tony work at the same place and the same shift and our house is on the way so its not going to cost tony extra gas to pick him up.
I know its going to cost to fix it but I hope that its not too much. Hopefully we will get a good tax return cause thats what were going to have to use to fix the car.
Thursday, January 5, 2012
A facbook message from Tyler Perry that touched my heart
To all of you that use the cell phone light like I do, I just want to say this. For me, as I was walking through my dark house trying to get to my bedroom, it was truly an exercise in faith. I could only see the light at my feet. I had to trust that even though I could only see three feet in front of me, if I kept following this light, I would get there.
It reminded me of a scripture in the bible, Psalm 119:105 "The word is a lamp unto my feet and a light into my pathway." Back in those days when people would travel through the night, they would use little lamps that were attached to their feet. The lamp only gave them enough light to see just a few steps in front of them. As long as they kept moving, they could find their way. If they stopped moving, so did the light.
This moved me because this is how I have lived my entire life. I have always walked by faith. Sometimes there was only a little light, a little hope that kept me moving. There were so many times that I didn’t know how I was going to make it. So many times I didn’t know where my next meal was coming from, if my hope would be realized or if my dreams would come true. But no matter how dark it got, I kept moving. That is one of the keys to making your dreams come true. JUST KEEP MOVING FORWARD!
If you’d allow me to, I’d like to challenge you to do more of that this year. Live by faith! No matter what you see happening around you, no matter how dark it may be, follow the lamp at your feet that God provides to us all, no matter who we are. A small step is still a step forward.
At the top of every year, I stop and go away to reflect. I will usually take out my journal and read over some of the past years and look at all the things God brought me through, no matter how dark the times. What rereading my journal taught me is that there was always a lamp at my feet. I think if you look at your life, you’ll see a lamp too. :-) If you don’t, look closer. I promise you it's there!
If you’re struggling in any way, financially, school, business, relationships, children, sickness, heartache, I so believe that God will be a light unto your pathway. IF YOU LET HIM!! Stop looking for the light at the end of the tunnel and look at the light at your feet and you’ll get there.
I hope you remember this every time you use your cell to light a path. God Bless you in 2012! You can make this your best year yet, through faith.
It reminded me of a scripture in the bible, Psalm 119:105 "The word is a lamp unto my feet and a light into my pathway." Back in those days when people would travel through the night, they would use little lamps that were attached to their feet. The lamp only gave them enough light to see just a few steps in front of them. As long as they kept moving, they could find their way. If they stopped moving, so did the light.
This moved me because this is how I have lived my entire life. I have always walked by faith. Sometimes there was only a little light, a little hope that kept me moving. There were so many times that I didn’t know how I was going to make it. So many times I didn’t know where my next meal was coming from, if my hope would be realized or if my dreams would come true. But no matter how dark it got, I kept moving. That is one of the keys to making your dreams come true. JUST KEEP MOVING FORWARD!
If you’d allow me to, I’d like to challenge you to do more of that this year. Live by faith! No matter what you see happening around you, no matter how dark it may be, follow the lamp at your feet that God provides to us all, no matter who we are. A small step is still a step forward.
At the top of every year, I stop and go away to reflect. I will usually take out my journal and read over some of the past years and look at all the things God brought me through, no matter how dark the times. What rereading my journal taught me is that there was always a lamp at my feet. I think if you look at your life, you’ll see a lamp too. :-) If you don’t, look closer. I promise you it's there!
If you’re struggling in any way, financially, school, business, relationships, children, sickness, heartache, I so believe that God will be a light unto your pathway. IF YOU LET HIM!! Stop looking for the light at the end of the tunnel and look at the light at your feet and you’ll get there.
I hope you remember this every time you use your cell to light a path. God Bless you in 2012! You can make this your best year yet, through faith.
Tuesday, January 3, 2012
Vacation time
Im on vacation this week. Not doing anything fun but spending time with Corah :) Well worth it. Today we cuddled on the couch and watched Peter pan and The little mermaid. This evening we played beauty shop, cooked dinner and did all the dishes. Now she is crashed out on the couch due to no nap and Im waiting on the new biggest loser to come on. In the mean time Im going to clean up some more. My goal for the week is to have my house totally back in order by Friday. I think I can do that. As long as I just do a little everyday so as not to over whelm myself.
I hope everyone has a great day.
I hope everyone has a great day.
Sunday, January 1, 2012
Hello 2012
Well the new year is here. I hope it is better then last year. I wish that all the pain from 2011 would go out the door with the year but it wont so we continue to cope.
I had decided not to make a new years resolution this year because I can never seem to keep them. But then I got to thinking....Im going to start to treat people how I want to be treated. More then I already do. I am going to stop talking about others and being negative so much. I dont want to be remembered as the girl who made fun of people or the girl that complained all the time.
Im also going to start spending more time with my family and the people who mean the most to me. You never know when they wont be there anymore so Im going to spend as much time as I can with all of them.
I pray that 2012 brings good things and happiness to my family. I sure know we could use it right now.
I had decided not to make a new years resolution this year because I can never seem to keep them. But then I got to thinking....Im going to start to treat people how I want to be treated. More then I already do. I am going to stop talking about others and being negative so much. I dont want to be remembered as the girl who made fun of people or the girl that complained all the time.
Im also going to start spending more time with my family and the people who mean the most to me. You never know when they wont be there anymore so Im going to spend as much time as I can with all of them.
I pray that 2012 brings good things and happiness to my family. I sure know we could use it right now.
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