Hello again

Well I havent posted in a little while and thought while I was sitting here waiting on laundry to be done and feeling the need to do something, I would post an update that no one really reads lol.

So there has been alot of emotions running through me lately. Since mom has passed this family has been falling apart. No one is close like they were when mom was here. We bearly see any of the family at all. No one comes over to hang out anymore. It makes me really sad, That was one thing I love about this family, the closeness of everyone and now it is gone.
I miss mom more and more everyday. She was my rock, the person I could talk to when I couldnt talk to steve or my mom. Since then my depression has worsened. I recently went to the doc about it and she upped my dosage of my antidepressant and also gave me a nerve pill to help with really stressful situations. So far the upped dosage seems to be helping alot more.

Steve has been off work on disability for the past 4 weeks because his pain has gotten so bad. Plus there getting him of the horrible Tramadol so he is having withdraws from it. Hopefully he will be able to go back to work in a week or so. Although Im worried about him and about his job I have really enjoyed having him home. He has been so helpful around the house. Loading the dishwasher and making sure the trash is taken out. We have grown closer since he has been home. We have not been fighting as much and actually have been talking and getting along great. It has been a wonderful time.

My brother in law and his girlfriend just had there baby. A boy named Leo. He is so adorable. Im worried about him though. Wednesday got to come home today but Leo has to stay at least 4 more days because he has been vomiting and cant hold anything down. I hope and pray that nothing bad happens and he gets healthy soon.

Well I guess thats all the news for now.

feeling guilty

So Im pretty sure my best friend is mad at me for not going to her kids birthday party today. I can understand why she would be mad because she always comes to Corahs but I never go to her kids.

I have really really bad social anxiety, no one understands and just tells me I need to grow up. I havent told her that this is the main reason I dont come because Im afraid she will take it like everyone else and just tell me I need to grow up. No one understands that it is a real problem.

She texted me yesterday and asked if I was coming and I told her no because I had forgotten about it since Corah took off with the invitation and i never seen it again. Which is true, but also its from the overwhelming fear of being around people I dont know in a situation where I cant just get out when I feel anxiety. I also told her that I would get her daughter something and bring it over this week if she would let me know what she wants. I never heard back from her.

I really hope she isnt that mad at me. I could not see her not being my friend anymore. It would devistate me. She is my only friend who has been there for me no matter what over the years. I dont have many friends to begin with